The Rewards of Motherhood

Being a mother and homemaker are jobs that are largely without accolades. There is no Honor Roll for those with the cleanest houses or most delicious meals, no 4.0 GPA reflecting the all-nighters you pull tending to sick and fussy children. There is no applause at the end of your bedtime stories or lullabies. There is also no “Most Valuable Player” award for being the best playmate, no company email sent out with your impressive statistics of how many diapers you changed in one day, how many loads of laundry you do in a week, and how many meals you put on the table day after day. There is no hope of promotion, no matter how many school concerts and sporting events you attend, and no pay raises, no matter how many homework assignments you help with. You can expect no tips as a full-time chauffeur and no commission for how many vegetables you get your kid to eat. In fact, sometimes all you can hope for is an occasional “thank you,” and even that can’t be depended on.

I’ll admit, I sometimes miss the praise and recognition of academia and the job force. But then I think about my own mom. The way she always kept me fed and taken care of, allowing me to experience childhood and develop in the greatest comfort possible. The way she listened to me ramble about my day whenever she took me home from school, elevating my joys and alleviating my sorrows. The way I could always count on her to be in the stands or auditorium to see me perform, boosting my confidence and showing me that I’m important. All her little acts of service, all those meals and diapers and homework sessions and long nights, all the games we played and the conversations we had, all added up to teach me the most foundational truth of my life: that I am loved. She is the reason I am here and the reason I have succeeded in so many aspects of my life (which, by the way, includes being a 4.0 Honor Roll student and top-performing employee). And then I think, “If I can do for my children what my mother did for me, then that is reward enough.”

Many spend their lives striving to be noticed and appreciated by the world, but these temporal accolades last only a lifetime. Mothers spend their lives shaping the worlds of those who may or may not notice or appreciate it, and the fruits of their labor last forever.

I hope we will all strive to appreciate our mothers more, not just on Mother’s Day but every day. And for those mothers who may be feeling worn out or unappreciated, just know that your selfless life of service will have an invaluable positive influence on not just your children but on countless other individuals as well. And that, at least to me, is reward enough.

Alma 60 - Will Ye Sit in Idleness?

In addition to what I wrote recently about Alma 60's lesson about not taking offense, another thought came to me recently about how I can apply this chapter to myself. While reading, I asked myself, "Why did Mormon choose to include this chapter? Despite his good intentions, Moroni was misguided and his accusations toward Pahoran weren't even legitimate. So why even keep the letter here?" I've read through the chapter probably dozens of times over the years, and only a few days ago did it finally hit me: Moroni may have been wrong about how Pahoran was handling the war between the Nephites and the Lamanites, but he was right about how you and I might be handling the spiritual war that's going on around us right now.

Next time you read Alma 60, replace all references to physical death with spiritual death, and then put yourself in Pahoran's shoes as the one being interrogated. If you're like me, that will probably send you on quite a spiritual guilt trip, but I've noticed that as long as you have the Holy Ghost as your companion, the guilt isn't overwhelming; it simply nudges you into action. So, here are some of the words of Moroni applied to us in our day. Brace yourself...

 5 Behold, great has been the [spiritual] slaughter among [this] people; yea, thousands have fallen [because of the trials and temptations of this world], while it might have otherwise been if ye had rendered unto [them] sufficient strength and succor. Yea, great has been your neglect towards us.

 6 And now behold, we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect; yea, we desire to know the cause of your thoughtless state.

 7 Can you think to sit upon your [couches] in a state of thoughtless stupor, while [the devil and his servants] are spreading the work of [spiritual] death around you? Yea, while they are [spiritually] murdering thousands of your brethren—

 8 Yea, even they who have looked up to you for protection, yea, [and God has] placed you in a situation that ye might have succored them, yea, ye might have sent [help] unto them, to have strengthened them, and have saved thousands of them from falling [further from God.]

 11 Behold, could ye suppose that ye could sit upon your [couches]*, and because of the exceeding goodness of God ye could do nothing and he [the Deliverer] would deliver you? Behold, if ye have supposed this ye have supposed in vain.

*Sorry, couldn't come up with a better replacement for thrones!

 19 Or is it that ye have neglected us because ye are [caught up in the middle of your own comfortable lives] and ye are surrounded by security, that ye do not cause [spiritual nourishment] to be sent unto us, and also [your service] to strengthen [us]?

 20 Have ye forgotten the commandments of the Lord your God? Yea, have ye forgotten the [spiritual] captivity of [your past]? Have ye forgotten the many times [you] have been delivered out of [sin and sorrow through the power of the Atonement]?

 21 Or do ye suppose that the Lord will still deliver [you], while [you] sit upon [your couches] and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for [you]?

 22 Yea, will ye sit in idleness while ye are surrounded with thousands of those, yea, and tens of thousands, who do also sit in idleness, while there are thousands round about [in your wards and neighborhoods and families] who are falling [from God], yea, [spiritually] wounded and bleeding?

 23 Do ye suppose that God will look upon you as guiltless while ye sit still and behold these things? Behold I say unto you, Nay. Now I would that ye should remember that God has said that the inward vessel shall be cleansed first, and then shall the outer vessel be cleansed also.

I'll stop there at Moroni's invitation: for each of us to "clean our inward vessel." For us to get up and get to work, first on ourselves and then on the rest of the world. When I looked at Alma 60 from this point of view, several questions came to mind, a kind of personal self-inventory:

• How often do I think about others in the world (thousands round about) who are struggling spiritually and physically?
• Am I content to just sit back and focus on my own spiritual and physical well-being?
• Do I assume that there are others who ought to be helping instead of me?
• Have I forgotten the miraculous role of the Atonement in my life, and therefore, what that Atonement could mean for others?
• What are the means which the Lord has provided for me to make use of in serving and lifting those around me?
• What can I do to fight the evil in the world and serve God's children?

The answers to those questions will be different for everyone, but I encourage you to think about them. Think about what you can do in your sphere of influence to bless the lives of those around you instead of sitting in idleness while this war takes its toll. Each of us can be an instrument in the hands of God to "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees" (D&C 81:5), and He (like Moroni) expects us to do so.

Alma 60-61 - Not Taking Offense

There are two important lessons I've learned from Alma 60 and 61. The lesson I'll write about in this post is the idea of not taking offense. To quickly summarize the story and lesson, here are the words of Elder Bednar from his talk, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them":

During a perilous period of war, an exchange of letters occurred between Moroni, the captain of the Nephite armies, and Pahoran, the chief judge and governor of the land. Moroni, whose army was suffering because of inadequate support from the government, wrote to Pahoran “by the way of condemnation” (Alma 60:2) and harshly accused him of thoughtlessness, slothfulness, and neglect. Pahoran might easily have resented Moroni and his message, but he chose not to take offense. Pahoran responded compassionately and described a rebellion against the government about which Moroni was not aware. And then he responded, “Behold, I say unto you, Moroni, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul. … And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart” (Alma 61:2, 9).

One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others. A thing, an event, or an expression may be offensive, but you and I can choose not to be offended—and to say with Pahoran, “it mattereth not.”

The thing I love about Pahoran is his ability to put the words of Moroni through a kind of "intention filter." Instead of focusing on what Moroni actually said, which included terms like "thoughtless stupor" and a threat to come after him and smite him with the sword, Pahoran focused on what Moroni meant. This is evident in Alma 61:9 and Alma 61:19-20 when he says, "I rejoice in the greatness of your heart" and "I do joy in receiving your epistle, for I was somewhat worried concerning what we should do." Yes, Moroni threw accusations and condemnation at Pahoran, but he was motivated by love, righteousness, and a deep concern for the welfare of his people, and that is what Pahoran chose to focus on and even learn from. He also took into account the fact that Moroni's response was due to his lack of information, and so instead of giving an emotional response ("How dare you criticize me when I'm not even at fault here?!"), Pahoran chose to simply and calmly make Moroni aware of the troubling situation he was in.

How often in our relationships (especially within our families) do we run across similar situations? Are we or others sometimes motivated by good intentions but express it imperfectly, leading to offense? Next time your spouse or friend or family member says or does something that offends you, take a moment to ask yourself, "Alright, that's what they said (or did), but what did they mean?" (In other words, take everything and sift it through the intention filter.) More often than not, you'll notice that deep down, motivations are usually good; we don't usually want to hurt or offend others. And then, like Pahoran, we can react to their positive intentions rather than their negative actions, and we can also calmly share our point of view, information that they (like Moroni) may have been completely unaware of. Perhaps the trick is not just to communicate in order to understand one another, but to over-communicate in order to not misunderstand each other.

It takes a lot of personal awareness and emotional self-control to not be offended by the mistakes and imperfect behavior of others, and it's certainly not something I'm perfect at, but I'm confident that by following Pahoran's example and choosing not to take offense, we will find much greater happiness in our personal and family lives.

Alma 56 - The Sabbath and Family History

Some random spiritual thoughts I had when reading Alma 56:

1) Alma 56:8 (about the Anti-Nephi-Lehies) - "But I would not suffer them that they should break this covenant which they had made, supposing that God would strengthen us, insomuch that we should not suffer more because of the fulfilling the oath which they had taken."

When I read this, I thought about Sabbath day observance, and how sometimes we're tempted to work or get important temporal things done because we're afraid of what will happen if we don't. But like this verse indicates, we would be better to not break this commandment (a covenant really), and if we keep the Sabbath day holy, we can suppose that God will strengthen us and that we ultimately will not suffer because of our choice to give that time to God.

2) Alma 56:47 (about the stripling warriors) - "Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives."

When I read this verse, I thought about temple work for our ancestors. We can follow the example of these righteous young men if we think more about the spiritual liberty of our ancestors that have gone beyond the veil and are waiting for sacred ordinances to free them from spiritual death, rather than simply thinking about our own lives and all of the many, many things we need to get done. Whether it's actually attending the temple, doing genealogy, indexing, or anything else related to temple work, we should make time in our lives to do it. Also, the stripling warriors' fathers were unable to fight for themselves, just like our deceased ancestors are helpless to receive gospel ordinances on their own. The responsibility, then, lies upon us.

And all that from a war chapter!

The Life I Must Live

Another poem of mine, written on November 20, 2010.

The Life I Must Live

By Liz Montgomery

Father, tell me the story of life so sweet,

The life I must live in order to meet

Thee at Thy Heav’nly throne above

And be encircled by Thy love.

I know I sin, I know I fall,

And yet I constantly hear Thy call,

“Go thy way and sin no more.

Ask and knock, I’m at the door.”

The blood of Christ has set me free.

He is the reason I can be

Worthy of Thy love each day,

Justified at Judgment Day.

Worthy?—what is worthiness?

Do I truly deserve all of this?

The guidance, blessings, love divine,

Eternal riches can be mine.

And what must I do? Just live the way

That makes me happy anyway.

To try to pay Thee back is vain,

Yet I hope my efforts never wane.

Why are You so good to me?

What is in me Thou dost see?

What have I done to earn Thy love,

Descending on me like a dove?

Given, not earned, is the gift of grace;

This causes my soul to be abased.

Nothing I do would satisfy

Without Thy Son to sanctify.

O my Bridegroom, I am Thy wife;

Thou art my living waters and bread of life.

I submit to Thee, my loyal Shepherd,

And with Thee is my salvation secured.

Submission to the will of God,

Repentance when my soul is flawed,

Reliance on my great Redeemer,

A faithful, loving, meek demeanor,

Love my God with all my heart,

To my brethren I must impart.

This is the life that I must live

To receive the grace of God He’ll give.

The Statistics Game (Gay Mormons)

The following letter was written by me and published in the BYU newspaper on May 14, 2012 (find it here). The article that prompted it ("Logical fallacy") can be found here, and the video that started it all is right here:

I know the issue has kind of died down a bit at BYU, but I wanted to make sure a copy of this got on my blog. Enjoy!

The Statistics Game

This is in response to “Logical fallacy” (4/23), which asserted the illogicality of applying the national homosexuality statistic to BYU, as seen in the “It Gets Better” video.

In my own research, I found some other enlightening statistics. When the international averages are applied to BYU,approximately 100 percent of BYU students are mortal. 100 percent of us are tempted by Satan, 100 percent sin, 100 percent are (100 percent) dependent upon the Atonement of Jesus Christ and 100 percent of us can overcome temptation and repent because of that Atonement. If 6 of that 100 percent happen to be tempted by homosexual feelings, then so be it.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated, “Same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is.” Replace “same-gender attraction” with any consideration of sin, and you’ve now placed everyone on a level playing field and bridged the infamous gap between “us” and “them.” In this world, and especially within the Church, it’s not us versus them; it’s all of us versus Satan. Until we appreciate and act upon that truth, we will continue to do what the father of contention has always wanted — for us to fight against ourselves so that he doesn’t have to.

Imagine a world where we could help our brothers and sisters withstand homosexual temptation as freely as we help one another withstand every other temptation. Imagine a world where we could “lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees,” regardless of which burdens caused those hands and knees to tremble. Instead of fighting one another with the devil’s weapons of pride and judgment, let’s fight our true enemy with the godly weapon that never faileth — charity.

Whether there are 1,800 BYU students fighting the homosexual battle or only 18, it’s worth an increase in kindness from all of us. Satan is our real enemy, and it is going to take 100 percent of us to defeat him — yes, even those 6 percent who are tempted by homosexuality. We need them, and they need us. Shall we not go on in so great a cause?

LIZ MONTGOMERY

Beggars and Sinners

If I could pick one theme for the last post (It's Not Her Fault), it would be judging others versus loving them. It's an important principle, and so in order to appeal to a larger audience, I specifically steered away from any LDS (Latter-day Saint [Mormon]) jargon when writing it. This post, however, will contain an LDS perspective of a few of the same principles.

The most applicable scripture passage I've found in regards to this is Mosiah 4:16-25 in the Book of Mormon. Even though it was written primarily about beggars and how we ought to treat them, it's also extremely applicable to those who are needy not just in the physical realm but also spiritually, morally, and even socially. If we read the passage in relation to sinners instead of beggars, it brings a whole new perspective. (If you're familiar with the last post, we're talking about the "Nadia"s in the world.)

Speaking of when we're truly following the gospel...

16 And also, ye yourselves will succor those that stand in need of your succor; ye will administer of your [spiritual gifts] unto him that standeth in need; and ye will not suffer that the [sinner] putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to [spiritually] perish.

 And here's where we often fall short:

17 Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my [love and respect], nor impart unto him of [the gospel] that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—

18 But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.

In my opinion, this is teaching that judging isn't just a bad idea, it's a sin we're expected to repent of (and repentance means change). Why is the Lord so harsh here? Because if we do what's in verse 17, we're basically asking for what's in verse 18. Matthew 7:2 - "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." If we want justice, we'll get justice alright. Perhaps God shalt say: You have brought upon yourself your misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto you of my love, nor impart unto you of the Atonement that you may not suffer, for your punishments are just.

Actually, God won't say that. Ever. Because even though we do bring upon ourselves misery, and our punishments are just, He lives by a higher law. He lives by infinite love and mercy. And just to make sure we understand how wholly we rely on those gifts from Him, the sermon continues in verse 19:

19 For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

Are we not all beggars?

The physically needy lack food, clothing, and money.

The socially needy lack friends, social skills, and opportunities.

The morally needy lack empathy, perspective, and willpower.

The spiritually needy lack faith, hope, and charity.

How many of those things do you have? Are you willing to admit that they're all from the Lord? I never thought I'd quote Obama in the middle of a spiritual lecture, but I firmly believe that if you have any or all of those resources, traits, or abilities, "You didn't build that. Somebody else made that happen." And that Somebody was the Lord, through every good thing that's ever happened in your life.

This idea led me to a interesting realization: The reason it's so difficult to admit that OTHERS aren't fully responsible for the FAILURE in their lives is because you must also admit that YOU aren't fully responsible for the SUCCESS of your life. In other words, if you think that you're the one who got yourself to the great place in life that you're at (with physical resources, social skills, a straight moral compass, and spiritual gifts), then you have no choice but to also believe that those who lack those things got themselves to their situation as well. But on the other hand, if you humble yourself and recognize how completely dependent you are on the Lord for everything, and also how often the Lord has worked through others to help you achieve success, then you start to see others as loved ones to help instead of failures to condemn. We start to treat others like the Lord treats us.

In case this has got you wondering, "Well, am I really that dependent on the Lord?", King Benjamin has some more words for you:

20 And behold, even at this time, ye have been calling on his name, and begging for a remission of your sins. And has he suffered that ye have begged in vain? Nay; he has poured out his Spirit upon you, and has caused that your hearts should be filled with joy, and has caused that your mouths should be stopped that ye could not find utterance, so exceedingly great was your joy.

21 And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.

All that we have and are is from the Lord. All of it. And if we're here to do the Lord's work, then we ought to be helping our brothers and sisters have more and become more as well.

The last few verses in this section reiterate the punishment of disobeying these principles of love and mercy toward others. Verse 23 in particular ought to hit home for many.

22 And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life belongeth; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

23 I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world.

Are you one of the "rich as pertaining to the things of this world"? To find out, take a quick inventory from the short list I already supplied. I'll ask again, how many of these do you have?

• Food, clothing, money
• Friends, social skills, opportunities
• Empathy, perspective, willpower
• Faith, hope, charity

You may find that you're richer than you think.

The final thing I'll mention here is regarding the other half of verse 23. If we don't share these many riches with others, "[our] substance shall perish with [us]"; our one talent will be taken from us because we buried it instead of doing the Lord's work with it. The success that we think we earned will be taken from us, or at least won't be as enduring as it would be with the Lord. However, if we use them to "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees" (D&C 81:5), regardless of what realm they're weak in, then we will be able to multiply our talents and bless others like the Lord blesses us.

President Ezra Taft Benson once said the following:

"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that

He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will

 deepen their joys,

expand their vision,

quicken their minds,

strengthen their muscles,

lift their spirits,

multiply their blessings,

increase their opportunities,

comfort their souls,

raise up friends, and

pour out peace.

 Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life."

Let us do for others what God so willingly does for us.